Bitches on Dick Pics

I've got a rant bubbling up in me that's been on simmer for years now; it's about people, mostly women, taking their bitching about dick pics to an irrational, hypocritical and (I think) unhelpful level.

Stay tuned.

It's always one step forward, a dozen hysterical, rudderless, nonsensical steps in GOD ONLY KNOWS what fucking direction with these people WRONGLY speaking for everyone, and incorrectly painting every single  "offender" with monstrous intent, refusing to acknowledge context which in some cases actually is relevant and warrants a bit more understanding. A lot of the time an eyeroll is warranted, but getting so far up in arms about something that is pretty small potatoes compared to other shit men do? I don't know. I think bitches take it waaaaaaaaaay too far a lot of the times.

Seriously, I've felt more uncomfortable seeing some people's big ass dog dicks and balls just walking around in plain sight, completely exposed. And there's this one lady on instagram who is always showing off her squirrels' wieners.

Civilization is a joke, folks. It's a fucking farce. A charade. A *fantasy* you all have to convince yourself humans are on a whole other level elevated about the rest of the animals. That shit is FALSE, and belief in it is a sure cause of much of our stupid human (ANIMAL) suffering.

More Bitchy Stoics

I may have misrepresented Marcus Aurelius and his Meditations when I characterized him as "Bitch Emperor".

Opening up Meditations I see he actually starts out gratefully detailing what he learned from a bunch of people, like his grandaddy (who saddled him with the empire AND a debauched drunken "brother" who he sent out to the frontlines as a war leader where he ... did not do a good job of leading, from what I understand, while Marcus stayed home doing a super typical bitch thing of setting up yard sales ostensibly to solve the homefront problems of starvation and plague by selling royal tapestries, jewels, and the like, demonstrating how humble he was and how much he cared and wasn't a diva at all, hoarding all the inedible royal treasures; no, he made a big show right out there in front of his white palace with the big phallic columns -- don't quote me on that, I haven't fact-checked any of this I'm just imagining Marcus Aurelius acting like Cher in Clueless, and living in a Cali manse like hers, organizing a fundraiser to show off how selfless she was, donating useless shit like skis, bongs, etc.).

It takes some digging in that first book of Meditations to find what I'd heard about (Marcus the emperor's bitchiness towards other people); it unfolds in typical bitch-form: TOTALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. Like, "I'm so glad for so-and-so, because I learned from them not to be a fucking shithole, and instead to bulk up on my super-virtues but you won't even recognize this as trash-talking since I have taken great pains to laud the virtues of so many preceding this passive-aggressive rant."

Marcus Aurelius: Bitch Emperor

Stand-out lesson learned in my Stoicism studies so far: Marcus Aurelius qualifies as a bitch. A bitch trying to do better, but a bitch nonetheless.

In his famous book Meditations (his journaling that he never intended anyone to see), he starts out like Dear Diary, people are fucking annoying!

I'm paraphrasing, of course.

Point is, bitching is timeless, and most of the insights and philosophy and life hacks that stand the test of time were written by bitchy motherfuckers like Nietzsche sitting alone scribbling their bitch-ass thoughts trying to become excellent or just fucking cope with being fish out of water and odd men out within cultures of craziness where their standards of goodness and/or excellence were not shared by others.

No. The REAL point is not to bitch just for bitching's sake, but to recognize something's challenging you or upsetting your peace of mind and thoughtfully wade through what it is and why it is to get closer to what you can do about it, if anything, and how to distinguish between what you can change and what you can't, and manage life when there are so many things you have no fucking control over.

The Solitary Bitch

There is a book for The Solitary Witch. But is there a guidebook for just practicing solitude as a lifestyle preference? Introversion as orientation? I'm sure if you've heard of it you'd recommend QUIET, but I'm not sure that's exactly what I'm wishing for...

I still have so many hang-ups that snag me and get in the way of comfortably guiltlessly un-self-consciously being alone and doing things alone. Not feeling like there is something wrong with me for being SUPER DUPER HAPPY in solitude. Not feeling like every minute I choose to enjoy by myself is a cruel rejection of my fellow human beings, friends, wife and family: a symptom of being a selfish sociopath.

Why? Maybe because I was punished for it as a child and young adult, and called a bitch BY MY FAMILY and a snob in school for no reason except I sought out time alone more than I wanted to share time with others. I saw my dad punished the same way. Though he was not called a bitch for it, I saw how other people in our family took my dad's reclusive ways very personally as an insulting offense to them. It was cruel nonsense, too, considering that my dad was the most openly, genuinely and inclusively kind and loving person AND the most generous in my whole family (and really of anyone I knew growing up).

So much of the B word is sexism and misogyny aimed at girls and women perceived as REJECTING people, especially boys and men. Of not being kind and loving. Of not being emotionally available and socially accessible. Pretty much every choice we make that does NOT appear to include or consider others is perceived as bitchy. Like being alone. Reading a book. Not answering the phone or responding to texts. Making plans to spend time alone and doing it. 

This shit is so fucking exhausting, oppressive, tyrannical BULLSHIT.

This year, right here in January, a couple of themes have emerged for the upcoming twelve months: FANTASIES and STOICISM. I am giving myself permission to visualize, explore and even voice (within reason) ALL of my fantasies, not just the ones that are sexy, social or "sell".

As I approach my fiftieth birthday, that is my golden gift to myself: to dream and focus on a radiant life built on wishes that will sustain me as a mature human, and developing and exercising more of my natural strengths. Stoicism is a key and tried and true framework encouraging me to dispense with apologizing for it, or seeking to mitigate the discomfort other people feel when some of us practice being our best and better selves. Stoicism provides permission to stop engaging in the inefficient and counterproductive displays of emotion and co-dependent constantly-available enmeshment I was taught by immature people equaled connection, empathy, and other things you need to display and provide on-demand in order to qualify as not-a-bitch. It hasn't been working, and has made me MORE of an actual bonafide bitch, not less.

Happy New Year, motherfuckers. I'm sleeping alone tonight BECAUSE I LOVE IT, NOT as a rejection of my spouse. Everyone needs good rest and deep uninterrupted sleep. Some of us get that best in solitude, at least every so often.

I love this moonless rainy winter night, and wishing one another sweet dreams.

Less-Irritating Cultures/Countries

Watching YouTube today -- videos with tips about how foreigners should act in Japan -- I was reminded that a lot of my pet peeves have less to do with me being a hypersensitive bitch and more to do with the CULTURE where I grew up and continue to live (in the US). 

• Things Foreigners Should NEVER Do In Japan

• Things NOT to do in Japan (according to interviewed foreigners)

I was reminded that there are whole entire countries where people take care not to be noisy in public EVEN WHEN THEY'RE DRUNK and they don't talk on their phones on the train, etc. Countries where people are aware of each other's personal space and do everything they can not to infringe on other people's bubbles. Countries where people DO NOT LITTER and it is absolutely NOT normal or acceptable to bring the filth and shit from your shoe soles into your own or other people's homes, schools, salons, spas, etc.

Just knowing this makes me feel more peaceful and less defensive. My standards, desires, and sensitivities are not that crazy or weird. They are just out of step with what this country is and is becoming more like.

The "bitch" part is how I react (freak out) and do (or don't) adapt in response to increasingly gross American standards of behavior, courtesy, etc. On the positive side, the "bitch" part is also super hungry for solutions; the anger and frustration come not just out of fear and confusion, but are hopeful fuel from a genuine desire to acknowledge and seek resolution to the contagious growing insanity of how entitled people are in this country to trespass on one another, incorrectly assess and regulate the risks of each other's behaviors, etc.

I'm not saying I'd fit in better in Singapore or Japan or something like that -- obviously I am very fucking American in a lot of ways (and also socially pretty inept and graceless -- "impolite" and weird and aggressive), and not all of that is bad. Nor do I think other more polite countries are ideal in all respects or without their own problems that would probably make me bitch and moan were I to live there. But listening to people from other countries -- Japan, in this case -- talk openly about irksome behaviors not being the norm, and actually being things you are encouraged to avoid doing there, makes it easier to feel hopeful that there are pockets -- and more can be created that some humans will be attracted to -- of decency and consideration where you won't get screamed at, spit on or shot for requesting someone wear a mask in crowded enclosed spaces, for example, or looked askance at just for wearing one yourself.

Between this and the Daily Stoic stuff I'm absorbing, I feel like I just got a bunch of invitations to design spaces and opportunities to relate to people in sanctuaries, and be a different self that is more in keeping with how I naturally behaved as a child and teenager (and more in keeping with courtesies that were more common in the 1970s and 80s here) and some of the better previous-century values I was raised with.

I love how this post makes me sound like pompous ass and geriatric scold on top of a raging bitch.

One positive thing in this country's favor brought to mind by watching these videos, though, is that we are doing better in many places in this country than a hell of a lot of other countries when it comes to openly littering. There are ways that shit has gotten visibly worse and nastier here in my lifetime, but also ways it has gotten better, but overall we're at least doing better than lots of places. Like most people seem to be aware that the Don and Betty Draper trash picnic is baaaaaad. We still have a long way to go and a lot of people still do a lot of pieces of that shit, but still ... far from the worst on the planet in terms of values (albeit still amongst shittiest in terms of impact due to our wealth and disposable superconsumption powers).

SMANGRY?!?

Well look at this, would you?!? A serious bitch rant from an HSP (highly sensitive person) regarding ODORS over on Introvert Dear:

WHEN YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO SMELLS, YOU REALLY DO GET "SMANGRY"

What It Means to Be ‘Smangry’

You know that word hangry? It means someone is so hungry that they start to feel angry. We all get hangry sometimes. But I’m going to coin a new term for the fragrance-sensitive people out there. Fellow HSPs, we might be smangry!

 

Someone who is not highly sensitive may not even notice these smells, and here I am, barraged by the stink. I start to feel worn down, then stressed and overwhelmed, and finally, irritable and on-edge. 

I definitely have this issue (but I'm relieved to say my nose may not be quite as exquisitely sensitive as "Heather Ream"'s: lord, what a great last name for a bitch ranter). I'm pretty sure I have a bunch of posts here about odors and poor air quality with labels like aromas, scents and air pollution.

I have a lot more thoughts about invasive gross overwhelming smells, but for now I'll just let Heather REAM flesh it out for you along with some helpful, sweet, and funny tips like this one to always carry a handkerchief with you:

I always have a clean handkerchief in my pocket, in case I have to share space with an unpleasant smell for a while. It helps if I unfold the handkerchief and breathe into it to filter out the bad scent. I would like to think I look like a grieving, beautiful ingénue out of a 1940s war movie who just waved goodbye to her lover leaving on a train. In reality, I probably look more like I’ve got a perpetual nosebleed. Either way, self-care trumps embarrassment and makes it worth it every time.

This reminds me that there's often something beautifully dramatic about sensitive bitches; if I can admire that about someone else ... maybe I can accept it better in myself.

Hyde back to Jekyll Transformation Time Today

Today's blood & splitting headache explain yesterday's tantrums: PMS.

HORRORMONES. Shifty terrifiers.

Clippers

It turns out that throwing fingernail clippers at the floor in a pique of frustration is incredibly unsatisfying. Even the large size nippers.

Top 10 Things That Make Me Act Really Super Fucking Bitchy

 Okay it's actually more than ten things:

• doing the dishes
• doing any fucking housework
• doing so much fucking housework my back is breaking and it's still a fucking mess / nothing is perfect or even halfway-presentable and I still feel like a piece of shit falling further and further behind
• when people devalue the WORK of housekeeping and the people who do it
• doing the dishes and housework and getting absolutely no recognition for the amount of time, care and effort put into it
• HAVING PMS
• doing the work of femme presentation hair makeup skincare nails shaving BULLSHIT
• NOT doing the work of presentation and feeling all of that power slipping away and feeling badly about myself for choosing to look like an angry dwarven ogre
• not having enough money to take care of my skin hair nails
• when people devalue the WORK and HIGH COST of hair makeup skincare nails shaving BULLSHIT
• not being able to get the right kinds of drugs for cost-effective BREAKS from all of this overwhelming BULLSHIT
• how RICH PEOPLE AND LIARS can easily get all the good safer drugs, while poor and honest people cannot
• being condescended to be doctors, especially when they are younger than I am
• when I do the work and investment of stupid femme presentation and do not get to be a pillow queen and be properly dicked down and appropriately serviced whenever I want and however I want, completely escaping from all mundane chores and obligations like bills and housework and BULLSHIT, and having to be NICE about it
• being complimented on the wrong fucking things
• people with narrow simple-minded brainwashed mass-produced ideas of what is beautiful
• the lies I was made to believe about men that didn't pan out
• the indignity of still being poor on the cusp of 50 years old
• not being able to just SMASH MY CAR into other stupid cars driven by stupid stupid dumbass shithole motherfuckers
• cuntholes with fancy cars and blank faces and engines running idle in looooooong lines for their stupid fucking fancy coffees blocking the parking lot and making it extra dangerous and stressful (I'm going to start parking my ass in the fucking parking lot with a cardboard toll both blocking them from getting in line at the free-standing coffee-drug dispensary and they have to pay me to move you insensate fucks with your fucking expendable incomes)
• wanting to THROW THINGS and BREAK SHIT and SCREEAAAAM and not being able to safely do that without hurting or scaring anyone or paying some other horrible high price

AMAZING! I feel so much better after making this list. Not because I enjoyed practicing being angry through "catharsis", but I think because these are really only three or four or maybe half a dozen things that really bother me A LOT and a lot of them are pretty small potatoes with workarounds, and roots of energy I can dig up and replant elsewhere for a golden harvest of buttery-smooth yellow finn potatoes or clicks or magic wizard beans or something. Private(ish) bitching IS a release valve that provides a lot of clarity and helps me gain perspective. I feel really calm now. Even though I still have to do more dishes.

• even though I don't feel the connection, I suspect my difficult-to-repress bitch emotions go dark-hand-in-light-hand with the frequency with which I well up with tears or full-on CRY at the measliest things like that Siemens commercial on YouTube, episodes of Old Enough! (how smart and hard-trying and joyful and tenacious and energetic kids are, and how much learning HURTS sometimes, and how many people really are there watching and waiting and ready to help and somehow most of the time when we run into the street we DON'T get hit by cars), huge throngs of people on a field, in a stadium, at home in front of their TVs, all around the country witnessing and being stunned and scared by seeing a perfectly healthy person  AN ATHLETE collapse and stay down with a stopped-heart --- all of these people/us focusing on one person and wanting them to not be dead, to jump up again and be okay. The purity of love for a stranger. The way that none of it makes sense and we don't know how to harness it to save ourselves but when you just light up the good parts we are all connected and pulsing with life inside it and full of whatever is worth it.

Humiliating Public View Counts on Twitter

For some reason today is the first time I noticed that everyone can see how often everybody else's tweets have been viewed:

TWITTER IS NOW SHOWING EVERYONE HOW MANY VIEWS YOUR TWEETS GET (@ The Verge) 

 :( :( :( :( :( :( 

Honestly it's one of the smarter shitty things the Musk MElon has done. It's so embarrassing for everybody to be able to see how few people actually see my stupid fucking tweets that I can see it motivating people to drive more traffic to twitter, post more engaging content, etc. THAT is the rationale behind making this data visible to all, NOT to make anyone feel better about fewer people liking and/or replying the way he's suggesting.

I don't totally hate a more competitive aspect (for bitches like me/myself) being added into the mix on Twitter, though I'm sure it will make trolling and viral shitposting by assholes even more of a problem. It's definitely a good point that views have been visible for a long time on YouTube, etc. so {{{shrug}}} Of course, if you're doing it to emulate YouTube, then you should start paying popular creators for views like YouTube's monetization does. Or at least it does if you are not a stigmatized sexy pro or educator.

Just noticing this new "feature" today (WEEKS after it rolled out) gives me one thing to be proud of, anyway: I've not been compulsively scrolling or posting or even much just visiting twitter lately, so that is a great bitch-reducing, positive mental health step taken in my favor, right?

Too Late?

 

let’s not start the new year off by being a little bitch

— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) January 1, 2023

It's too late for me (I have definitely bitched already in 2023, though not about David Byrne), but I am aiming more towards Lunar New Year to kick off most of my real official goals; this beginning of January is more of a practice and ramp-up.

How many people resolved to not be negative reactionary bitch-ass complainers in 2023? How is that going for you, if so?

I've tried a couple of different years resolving to not be an asshole for the year, but maybe that was too vague and/or completely unrealistic.

Honestly I feel grateful for this blog and how I've gotten into a better habit of turning to it more. The best part is how I almost always see my bitch with more clarity and don't want to just leave it at that. I almost always want to find something more empathetic, hopeful, forgiving, or fair to balance out my rant.

Overall last year I felt a pressing urge to change. To get to the root of my bitches and identify how to change for the better from there. Not because my rants are meritless, but because IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD TO BE ANGRY SO OFTEN. It's painful. Not just for other people, but to live inside all of that fear and resentment, To always be on guard and ready to explode whenever I perceive my perimeter has been breached.