Wednesday, December 26, 2012


Just after midnight. Christmas day comes to a close. Nearly-full moon.

I step outside to enjoy the stillness of this night, AND SMELL YET AGAIN THE HORRIFYING SCENT OF LAUNDRY CHEMICALS PERMEATING THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD. Like I walked into a giant chilled box of dryer sheets.

I cannot fucking live in a land of vaporized douche powder. It's disgusting. I hate people. I want to get away from them. I don't want to smell you. You sicken me.

The lack of appreciation for clean backyard air, the inconsiderate freedom people have to needlessly, unproductively pollute each others' outdoor homes perplexes, alienates, depresses, poisons and angers me.

I don't want to be near any of your shitty all-night bright lights, your noisy leafblowers and lawnmowers, your desires to febreeze every inhabited tract of land. Fuck off. Go pitch a tent in the detergent aisle of your nearest discount or grocery store if that's what you want your world to smell like and be lit up by a thousand migraine-inducing fluorescent lights. I hope you sanitize yourself until your skin melts off.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Breaking Down

It's a beautiful day in November - the gloom is gone, making way for bright sun. But I know it won't last long.

While I'm washing the dishes I smell a dead oily fish smell. Something by/near/in the sink smells fishy. It's gross. The opposite of clean-smelling. Where is it coming from????

A month or two ago we cleaned out the fridge. Very thoroughly. That was awesome. And then right when we had a couple of weeks under our belt of preparing food in advance and being very healthy and efficient (which relies upon the fridge), the fridge stopped working. Yes, we rent, so don't have to BUY it or pay for the fixing ourselves, but it's this weird off-brand fridge, that is the biggest thing that will fit in a weird, custom pantry-hole slot thing, so despite calling an appliance-repair place they couldn't help us and is going to require a lot of calling and looking around and even if someone else were to do it all for us, it would suck because that would require being IN OUR HOUSE bugging the fuck out of us. So I've procrastinated on following up on it. The freezer still works and we borrowed our landlord's mini-fridge for the rest of it.

Before that my partner fixed a problem with the washing machine. She also fixed a problem with the sink. TWICE. But anyway, back to the washing machine. So it turns out it's not really fixed. When draining, It ejaculates water all through the laundry "room"/closet, wetting the wood floors, making everything smell of mildew, potentially causing electrical problems as it sprays onto outlets. She thinks it's got a clog in the pipe.

Somehow it's really hard for me to tell our landlord ANOTHER thing is wrong, that some OTHER person will have to fix . . . all the calls, all the management, all the people swooping in but never telling you EXACTLY when, trying to manage and plan everything (that's already hard to manage and plan) around it for work and nakedness and privacy and cleaning up. So I haven't told her about that and am planning to just do laundry at the laundromat so I don't have to think about it, to give some space between the THINGS GOING WRONG, to just do one thing at a time. Except I don't really have time to go hang out at the fucking laundromat. On the other hand: HOT WATER. Even when our washing machine is useable, we don't have hot water in it. Which sucks. Don't ask . . . it's a weird homemade house, which is mostly awesome but sometimes stupid.

*****OMG my long nails are so annoying trying to type and trying to housework ALSO so annoying because of trying to preserve the long nails so annoying just want to cut them off AND not do housework and not try to exploit every interesting thing about my body but still I want to what the fuck gahhhhhhhhh *******

And then today our pilot light on our propane fireplace went out. Twice. And has just been going out for no reason. SIGH. This is too much stuff. I'm sick of it. I hate it.

My phone needs to be charged WAY TOO OFTEN. We have two chargers. BUT WHERE ARE THEY?!? I have to climb way too many stairs and ladders to HOPE to find them.

I'm hungry. But I had to stop and bitch.


And then I felt better after doing this bitching and organizing my medicine cabinet and doing the dishes. Even though it sucks with my long-ass nails. And my back hurts from it. And there's still so much to do. And and and. Fuck it.

OH. And in spite of having bleached/washed out the fridge? There's something new and stinky growing in the clear produce drawer in bottom!!! WHERE DID THIS COME FROM??? Not even using it and it's making a mess.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Dirty Attitude

My butthole is dirty because I pooped four times today (plus a wet fart) and haven't had time to take a shower or do a million other really important things. I tried, but I just kept having to POOP! And the special things take time and I don't just want to plop them out. So I've been a grouchy asshole all day.

I got a fucking SLIVER in my ass from sliding across our wood floor to get under her to take hot pics. IN SWEATS I still got a sliver! I'm afraid it's going to get infected and ruin my life.

The drawing and the romance and the personal importance of it all, the fear of not presenting it carefully enough. The guilt of not presenting anything at all as a wrestle with trying to make it special. The guilt over sharing feelings but not ENOUGH of them so then I feel I've misrepresented people I care about.

I both want to do my job more and do it less. Just when I feel like things are BURSTING with excitement and potential, the next day I feel like quitting. I don't feel like I can do a good enough job and be fair to myself and to other people.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Spring & the Scent of Dryer Sheets

It's a beautiful fucking morning with birds and freshly cut green grass in our backyard.

I'd be out there eating breakfast and enjoying it, except when I step outside I'm assaulted by the noxious mucous-membrane-piercing chemical burn smell of a neighbor's nasty fucking drying laundry being blown out of her house and broadcast throughout the neighborhood.

The smell of fake poison spring has sprung.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Oscar Night

I don't understand all this love for Angelina Jolie's leg when all I can see are her scary skinny bony fucking concentration camp arms.

We're not actually watching the Oscars, I just am noticing all of these raves for her plunked-out leg posing.

I hate being a bitch like this. But the good thing is I decided NOT to tweet this, and instead am filing it here. In its proper place.

I like lots of things about Angelina Jolie, but HORRORS!!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Free Shipping

If I see one more email subject line advertising FREE SHIPPING! only to discover it's only free if you spend $50 or more or order the special white elephant product or whatever, I'm going to freak out!

Good Vibrations and Babeland: you are the worst for this. If there's a caveat, put it in the subject line. I need some lube but I don't want to buy $50 worth of it to get free shipping. Gah!