Dunkin' on Pretentious Pronunciation

June 20th, 2023

For once social media delivered unto me something perfect in the morning: "Bitchy Joe reporting for duty" from the St. Louis airport complaining about a woman pronouncing "croissant" all (unnecessarily, offensively) pretentious-like >>> mrdtimes3 on instagram 

Yes, this is a very "ugly American" type of bitch. I'm totally all for us making more of an effort to not be willfully ignorant about language and, like, LEARN some, but the tossing-in of sudden-accent-changes for foods and places is still definitely ridiculously obnoxious to me sometimes, too.

4th of July Mofos

OMFG as if the big beautiful bill of bullshit wasn't freaky enough, motherfuckers around here started blowing shit up on 4th of July EVE / last night / on the day of its passing from the great orange anusface into the world he has commandeered as his personal gold-plated toilet spattered with right wing loose stool head-up-the-ass disease. Yeah, you dumb fucks have got so much to be proud of and look forward to and celebrate: more fires, more destruction, more sound and fury devoid of any meaningful contribution or SENSE. More death and unmanageable levels of disaster. GOOD JOB, DIPSHITS.

Like ... IT'S NOT EVEN THE ACTUALY HOLIDAY YET! Do you REALLY have to start blowing shit up at dinnertime on Thursday the day before?!? Can you fucking WAIT a minute and let us have a couple more hours of of imaginary fucking PEACE before you ejaculate smoke and fire and NOISE all over everyone in hearing range?

Of course, right as I'm on the verge of wishing for these morons to blow their own fingers off, I realize that if I had my own bunch of explosives and a semi-appropriate place to set them off, YOU KNOW I WOULD. I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WOULD. I would be making so much black powder noise and choking singed-finger sparkler smoke and having a whole disguised-by-my-LLC yacht party super-show of giant sizzling light-up-the-sky pyrotechnic magic, your fucking eyeballs would melt looking my way.

Love/hate relationship: with fireworks. With noise. With this motherfucking country.

Bitchy Little Treats Plate

I wrote a whole post bitching about housework, but I'll spare you the agony.

Instead of posting my housework complaints, I'll just post this little saucer of goodies I prepared for myself as a reward / naughty meal after hours of housekeeping:

Lemon cream wafer biscuits, thin dark chocolate Reese's peanut butter cups, blueberries, hot tamales, mini peanut butter M&Ms, peppermint patty, red hots, and a chocolate brownie flax seed muffin with peanut butter on top.

I am grateful for having so many goodies, courtesy of my wife, along with my vintage dinerware. I love the colors and shapes all together, and the super dark french press coffee I enjoyed with it along with peppermint mocha creamer.

While I'm not yet feeling certain that my housework efforts were worth the time and energy, this pretty, colorful photograph makes me feel like I did something worthwhile.

Honestly, the blueberries and muffin were the best parts of my tiny treat platter. I could have done without all the candy, but the arrangement and visual appeal of it sending me such a decadent message of abundance did provide extra satisfaction, and fed me spiritually with its cuteness, visual interest, and textured joyful variety.

Summer People

Fucking SUMMER people. With their loud outdoorsy PRIDE, and their loud outdoorsy PARTIES. Their smokey fires and their social bullshit.

I miss Washington state weather before global warming's extreme changes. When it would still be cool and probably even RAINING the first week of June.

Instead we have these fuckers stoking fires, making the air unbreathable the day before a heat dome is projected to be dropped on us with suffocating heat. When we SHOULD be preparing by getting our homes as cool as possible,  and sleeping as peacefully as we can before the unsleepable heat.

I wish I had magical powers to rain copious amounts of divinely-just diarrhea down onto their fucking fires. Enough to extinguish the flames and fully spatter their always open yak yak yaking numb fucking mouths.

Whistling Fucks

JFC how I want to slap the living shit out of motherfuckers who WHISTLE indoors. Restaurants, for example. Or, like now, in a hospital waiting room. 

99 times out of a hundred: MEN. 

Surrounded by fuckers coughing and THIS ONE SONOFABITCHING WHISTLING FUCK.

You Can Take Your Mirth and SHOVE IT - Springtime Edition

 I hate the sound of our neighbors' laughter.

Actually it's not that bad and I don't really hate it. That much. Tonight.

But just for tonight I also do not really hate myself for being the kind of person who does kind of hate the sound of people having fun, and scowls on the other side of the fence from it.

I'm just very tired. And I haven't gotten paid / Im missing three payouts / this is the third week in a row of no money arriving when I *should* have money arriving, and now I can't pay all the bills we have to pay tomorrow. But it could be worse. The neighbors *could* be louder. They *could* be yukking it up all the time, but honestly this is one of the few times so far we've heard this type of outdoor socializing. They are too close, but they actually *could* be closer. So there is much to be grateful for.

I finally forced myself to "contact support" today about the missing payments, and they did actually provide a modicum of support. More than is typical in this industry. They didn't resolve anything (I should've done something much sooner to help it get resolved), but I feel pretty safe in betting that it *will* get resolved and that I *will* get my money.  If not this week, then next. And that I can continue making that source of income my primary money-making game.

If I were a REAL bitch, you know I'd have contacted support long before this. But I am not actually a real bitch. And I *will* be able to sleep tonight -- and fall asleep within a few minutes, even -- regardless of the laughing neighbors. Which means it all *could* be so much worse. But ... it isn't. And I am so so glad.

On 2nd Thought...

I just came here to write a post shitting on myself about what a miserable bitch I am, but then I saw the last post I wrote here, and it made me laugh, and I thought ... I'm not really so bad after all.

Taking my own advice to heart: just like a whole year shouldn't be thrown away as 100% shitty just because it contains some notably terrible moments and bad vibes, you can't throw a whole person away because sometimes (or even often) they are a miserable bitch. Especially if that person is your own self. You have to give the good days some credit, too.