Tuesday, August 19, 2008


Having an EXTREMELY difficult time with PMS today. I don't want to look at anyone or hear anyone or be bothered by anyone or anything.

MY COMPUTERS ARE MOVING SO SLOWLY. I want to throw things, rip my hair out, and just freak out. Total tantrum welling up in me and just hugely irritable energy.

Everything my body needs to do is driving me nuts/feels like a major interruption. Oh, you need to PEE again? Fucking stupid body, interrupting me. Hungry now, are we? I'll shove some food down your throat, asshole body. Label itching my side needs to be scratched makes me want to shred my skin and rip the shirt to bits.

I've been working on one thing for three days now and I am so fucking sick of it and want to SCREAM. But I want it to be better, not totally half-assed. I know it won't be perfect, but yeah. And every. little. PROCESS involved is taking so much time.

When I forget something and need to go into another room to get it so I can do whatever I'm trying to do, I want to scream and throw things.

So yeah -- PMS means wanting to scream and throw things a lot.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Silencio, Por Favor

I've been up for an hour.

The feeling I have right now of not wanting to talk or interact or look at anyone or listen to their sounds is absolutely painful. I can feel it in my crotch, like screaming tension.

Jesus, send me some fucking medication. I wish I didn't feel this way. But even more than that I naturally, intuitively wish I could cushion and hide myself from the stimuli when it's driving me fucking insane.

I know if I went for a brisk walk/got some exercise I'd feel better BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW. I just want still, quiet peace.

Since I went off the pill a year ago I've gradually gotten to a state where I feel like I have pms ALL THE TIME. I suspect I have a hormone problem that involves too much testosterone and too little estrogen. God I want my estrogen back. Pleeeeeeeeeease.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Giant Tortillas

I hate giant so-called "burrito" gauge tortillas. I wish I could enforce a no-giant-tortillas-in-the-house rule. EVER. There are a plethora of tortilla sizes to choose from at the store, and the only one that should ever gain entrance into our house is the small/mediumish taco-sized tortillas. NO MORE GIANT TORTILLAS EVER! GAHHHHH!

One problem with giant tortillas is they are impossible to fully, uniformly heat unless you possess a fucking half-stovetop-sized GRIDDLE. Or if you're one of those crazy people who heats tortillas in the OVEN (or an even crazier person who will happily eat a stiff, fridge-cold tortilla). I am a stovetop tortilla-warmer, preferring to warm mine to toasty pliability in a skillet. I detest seeing a giant tortilla outsizing a frying pan, crinkling up around the edges, not getting HOT around the edges. God almighty, spare me that torture. What if I were to try to make a quesadilla? What then? Then cheese wouldn't properly melt around the outside!! Thank god I'm lactose intolerant, otherwise I would REALLY be screaming.

Giant tortillas also ruin my ability to guiltlessly overeat. If you do fill one of those monster tortillas with meat, legumes and vegetables, you know you have before you an entire meal encapsulated in ONE tortilla; you can't fool yourself into thinking you've only had half or one-fourth a portion. If you go back for a second and/or third helping of filling shrouded by giant tortilla, you KNOW you're a gluttonous hog and there's no excuse for it except for your own greedy appetite. With small tortillas you feel totally legit starting out with two or three, then going back for two or three more. Twice. Or three times. And you can tell yourself that THEY WERE REALLY SMALL TORTILLAS!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Lame Ageist McCain Jokes

I am SO WEARY of the "John McCain is so old!" jokes. They're fucking stupid, repetitive, offensive, and useless. I can get behind some of the old pope jokes or acknowledging anyone who's clearly on death's doorstep and looks similar to a doddering corpse, but frankly? I don't view John McCain as ancient so the jokes are lost on me plus there are five billion more interesting jokes to be made about McCain. I don't want to hear the Barbara Walters jokes, either.

I turned off Craig Ferguson the other night because he made an old McCain joke about how he didn't want to have to sit next to him at dinner and feel obligated to cut his food into little pieces for him. Not that Ferguson is worse than the others, I just reached my limit and felt an immense tiredness upon hearing that and couldn't stand to look at his face anymore. Seriously, it's not at all funny. It's stupid and immensely insulting to a huge population of people who are trying to enjoy a time in their lives when many people have much to celebrate and offer the world. Instead of being honored they are met multiple times a day with dismissive, disrespectful, nastily stereotyped messages that they are somehow overstaying their welcome in the world and are silly, incompetent retards to think they have anything to offer society besides being the butt of stale jokes told by unimaginative, juvenile minds to be absorbed by youth-obsessed, elder-hating idiots.

I am not saying I "honor" John McCain or think because he's older he or anyone his age should automatically be praised and worshiped -- I don't -- he's just an example. The whole thing makes me want to make a list of people who've made part of their livings yukking it up making fun of old people JUST because they're old(er) and when they get to be retirement age, harassing the fuck out of them. Hey, you worthless piece of shit! You're over sixty-five now! Fuck off and die!

The way I was raised no one ever got those stupid black balloons for anyone's fortieth birthday. I was taught to celebrate aging and to keep living and working as long as possible. I was never taught to think of older people as targets for discrimination, humiliation, or idiotic assumptions regarding their abilities, fitness, adaptability, attractiveness, etc. I was taught that your value INCREASES with age. Instead everywhere I look we're all being told our worth diminishes with every passing year. It's fucking sickening and I wish people would knock it off. I refuse to accept that being older automatically turns you into a joke.

I'm guessing part of our problem is how mobile and wealthy we are so that it's easy for us to throw away older people into retirement communities, snowbird states, and nursing homes and rarely, if ever, visit and interact with them. We've segregated and dehumanized them. Or maybe it reflects a growing resentment of how much money we are spending/losing taking care of them now that they live longer? Or is it simply because we're a nation of stupid assholes?

Friday, March 28, 2008

Fucking Napster!!

Help request to Napster:

"I don't know what version you changed things, but after years I suddenly can't figure out how to burn a cd. It used to be I just dragged the songs into the window at the bottom, but now? It says to "drag and drop the tracks you want to burn onto "Burn a CD" in your library. I SEE NOTHING OF THE SORT IN MY LIBRARY OR ANYWHERE. WTF????? So frustrating. While I'm griping, might I mention that clicking on the $ to buy a track on the top tracks thing rarely allows me to buy a track? Lameness. I also find it annoying that I buy music all the time, yet am treated as substandard because I'm not a "member". That chaps my hide. I want to pay for individual tracks & own them. Case closed. How does that make me a less valuable customer? Whatever. Just tell me how to burn my cd's.

Oh dear lord: why do the two buttons at the bottom of this form say "Absenden" and "Cancel"? WHAT THE HELL IS ABSENDEN?????"

I have a show tomorrow and want to burn a mix right now but will probably have to wait a week before they write back with some completely useless piece of non-advice. FUCKERS!!