Thursday, October 03, 2013

Shitty Receipts with USELESS Information

So we're in an era where
  1. we pay for things with plastic (and we have LOTS of different cards)
  2. STORES PRINT OUT "RECEIPTS" THAT ARE AS LONG AS SANTA'S FUCKING NAUGHTY LIST and you need a special trapper keeper to file the fucking things
So how is it that these fucking stores can spew a mile of tape with all kinds of info on it at you BUT NEGLECT TO INDICATE WHICH CARD YOU USED TO PAY FOR YOUR PURCHASE???

Seriously??? What the fuck is wrong with this stupid world? It makes NO MOTHERFUCKING SENSE.

I shouldn't need to log into every single one of my credit card and debit card accounts online to try to cross-reference every fucking purchase in an attempt to figure out which account was charged or debited for my motherfucking  tampons and new shoes and wart removal and what-have-you.


I could throw a fucking ticker-tape parade with the vast quantities of yards of receipt-ribbons and coupon bullshit cashiers have handed me in the past month BUT I CAN'T GO TO THE PARADE. Because I have to sit here reconstructing every fucking shopping trip like a super sleuth just to balance my fucking checkbook.

FUCK YOU, stores.

Also: handling those receipts give you fucking CANCER.

Oh god you fuckers please SPARE ME the bullshit about how fucking thankful I should be about how much shopping we get to do and I'm so LUCKY to have so many worthless receipts and there are children starving in Detroit who'd give ANYTHING for my binders full of receipts. SPARE ME. If  you want me to do penance and mortify myself before the blessed virgin saints of poverty FINE but this is NOT the way. I'd rather go make cheese out of monk-smegma in a monastery, and that's saying A LOT considering I'm lactose intolerant.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Your Friend Lost Your Customer

I spot an AWESOME quirky fantastic magical-looking little fortune-teller's cart. It's the end of the summer tourist season, so I go to ask her how long into the future I can find her here.

She's great and magical-fantastical-looking herself,  personable, and answers my question saying, "for sure today and tomorrow but I'm having problems with the city issuing me a permit . . . "

:: insert her friend or sidekick or whatever looking bored with me and steampunk-stylish beside her, fiddling with phone, and trying to get her attention, prodding her with the phone ::

"Oh wow," I say, "they should totally issue you a permit! I've been wondering . . . "

:: friend or sidekick or whatever keeps nudging her with phone and trying to make her look at the phone ::
" . . . for years why there isn't an old-fashioned fortune-teller or psychic with a sign up or shingle in town."

:: distracting phone nudging continues ::

As the fortune teller encourages me to write a letter to the editor or something I am pretty much backing away and trying to just leave before I say something to the friend or sidekick or remark on the whole phone business. Knowing that walking away now IS actually a remark on the whole rude phone business.

Seriously. TOTALLY FUCKING RUDE! It's not like I was standing there wasting her time for ten or even five or even two minutes. Not more than thirty seconds and this asshole was basically telling me to go away, and/or couldn't figure out how to say, "I'm sorry to interrupt but you have an important call/text coming in" or "I'm so sorry but you told me to tell you when it's blank o'clock" or "shuttup lady because we have an amazing dick pic to look at". It was like I walked up to the popular exclusive snobby goth table at lunch in junior high to talk to someone cool while her insecure cunt of a friend glowered at me and pantomimed my unimportance. I would far rather she just SAY something rude or tell me to go away rather than having to endure that bullshit.

It's possible the person just has no clue how behavior like that comes across / is perceived and/or is mentally not up to the challenge. I hope she learns to cut it out if her IQ allows for such growth. It really spoiled the magic for me, and I'm glad I didn't have my heart set on getting my fortune told because that rude presence would have totally wrecked it.

One possible explanation that occurred to me as I was walking away was that maybe rude girl recognized me from my porn site or a dating site ad or something, and really wanted her fortune-teller friend to be able to compare the picture to the person (me) standing before her. That's a long shot, though. And still a super rude way to handle it if so.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

YOUR Feces in MY Garbage?

I commend you, asshole, for picking up your dog's shit. But it's not okay to put it in a stranger's garbage can, you brainless, selfish jackass.

I guess this is the punishment I get for not immediately bringing the garbage can in from the side of the road on garbage day. A bag of FECES at the bottom of the can that we have to pull out, set aside and save to put on top lest the weight of OUR garbage smash it leaving a stranger's feces to soil and stink up our garbage can.

Who are you? Why are you such a fucking asshole? Where's your car? I'd like to shit in a plastic bag and put it in there.

There is no such thing as civilization. I'm telling you. People think nothing of littering the world and other people's spaces with feces. You're disgusting!