One of the most abhorrent things about feeling horrible is not wanting to feel better -- actively RESISTING feeling better -- because you think everything will get worse if you feel okay (or, God forbid, GOOD), and you believe feeling horrible is the only way to solve problems and avert disaster.
On top of that you think you're doing damage control by letting people see how shitty you feel about yourself, hoping they will have mercy upon you and not make things worse or try to point out your sisns that you already openly cop to.
Is it some kind of an Irish Catholic DNA problem? Or just a general miserable-bitch malaise?
