Saturday, July 26, 2025

Are Bitches Bad Dreamers?

June 12th, 2023

Why do bad dreams seem like something bitches are more likely to have than happy-go-lucky folk?

Is it because we’re more negative, constantly fantasizing about worst case scenarios, violence and revenge? Is it a product of the same stress, tension, and fears that make us hyper-vigilant and high-strung? Or is it because underneath all of the bitchiness, we’re really motivated to find SOLUTIONS to problems, and idealistic about how the world SHOULD be, noticing and fixating on all of the ways things are no bueno?

I don’t know, but all three of those possibilities seem linked / are different ways of saying the same thing; bitches recognize problems and are alert to them. Our wheels are always spinning trying to work through shit that sucks, FEELING the unfairness and the dangers of wrongness: that behind every problem is at least one churlish insensate beast of a human hell-bent on shitting on others, and those people and their inconsiderate or intentionally-shitty traits are SCARY.

Whatever the reason, I had bad dreams last night, punctuated by repeated groggy wakings to the violent cries and chatter of coyotes nearby through the tiny open window above my head. I tried not to imagine them ripping up and fighting over fawns and neighbor cats who failed to go inside at night.*

Eventually I closed the window, inserted grubby waxen earplugs, and then opened the window again when I spotted a fire ant by my pillow, pinching it in a paper towel and throwing the whole wad outside.


So here it is, another day not started as early as I’d hoped for. Not getting that headstart of banking a few hours of solitude before all The “Normal” People wake up and ruin everything with their noises, judgments and tyrannical social demands.

I should be in a bad mood after the nightmares and late start, but the morning is too pretty to be mad at it. I pulled my filthy nightshirt over my head and ran outside naked, zooming around the yard, and in and out of the house laughing maniacally where my wife was trying to practice her bass.



Two hummingbirds just buzzed my open window. The construction fucks next door are terrorizing the neighborhood with HIDEOUS NOISE of their high-powered leaf blower, and it's not even ten o'clock yet. At least one fly is motoring around my greasy scalp because I have to keep this space cool and open to all manner of pests before it gets HOT in here, turning the loft where I prefer to sleep into a dry cracklebarn of dusty heat when it rises.

Monday, July 21, 2025

Dunkin' on Pretentious Pronunciation

June 20th, 2023

For once social media delivered unto me something perfect in the morning: "Bitchy Joe reporting for duty" from the St. Louis airport complaining about a woman pronouncing "croissant" all (unnecessarily, offensively) pretentious-like >>> mrdtimes3 on instagram 

Yes, this is a very "ugly American" type of bitch. I'm totally all for us making more of an effort to not be willfully ignorant about language and, like, LEARN some, but the tossing-in of sudden-accent-changes for foods and places is still definitely ridiculously obnoxious to me sometimes, too.




Friday, July 04, 2025

4th of July Mofos

OMFG as if the big beautiful bill of bullshit wasn't freaky enough, motherfuckers around here started blowing shit up on 4th of July EVE / last night / on the day of its passing from the great orange anusface into the world he has commandeered as his personal gold-plated toilet spattered with right wing loose stool head-up-the-ass disease. Yeah, you dumb fucks have got so much to be proud of and look forward to and celebrate: more fires, more destruction, more sound and fury devoid of any meaningful contribution or SENSE. More death and unmanageable levels of disaster. GOOD JOB, DIPSHITS.

Like ... IT'S NOT EVEN THE ACTUALY HOLIDAY YET! Do you REALLY have to start blowing shit up at dinnertime on Thursday the day before?!? Can you fucking WAIT a minute and let us have a couple more hours of of imaginary fucking PEACE before you ejaculate smoke and fire and NOISE all over everyone in hearing range?

Of course, right as I'm on the verge of wishing for these morons to blow their own fingers off, I realize that if I had my own bunch of explosives and a semi-appropriate place to set them off, YOU KNOW I WOULD. I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WOULD. I would be making so much black powder noise and choking singed-finger sparkler smoke and having a whole disguised-by-my-LLC yacht party super-show of giant sizzling light-up-the-sky pyrotechnic magic, your fucking eyeballs would melt looking my way.

Love/hate relationship: with fireworks. With noise. With this motherfucking country.