Friday, July 27, 2007

Silence - I'd rip out my ovaries to get some

I don't know what my problem is this afternoon, but I don't. Want. To hear. ANY SOUNDS. I feel really hypersensitive to noises right now. The door knocking back and forth in the frame because of the wind circulating through the house. The sound of Delia's music in her office to accompany her shows. The fucking CROW cawing incessantly outside my window. The sound of cars driving over gravel. The hum of planes. The grating noise of a computer thinking.

I think I can even hear myself blinking, I'm feeling that tender.

God grant me a fucking padded cell already.

Seriously, I feel horrible about being so irritable; it makes me act like an asshole. I dream, though, of having a custom-built home with super-insulated walls and floor/ceilings with my office and one other room, at least, totally soundproof so I can FUCKING CONCENTRATE. I don't want to hear people I don't want to hear machines I don't want to hear birds I just want to have my mind to myself.

The funny part is that other times I really love noise, especially the noise I make myself. I actually *love* hearing crows and cars and computer noise and music. SOMETIMES. While others? I wish we had an underground bomb shelter where no noise could penetrate and no one would find me.


Anonymous said...

I bought some earplugs a few months ago, and they work wonders. They sound that drives me nuts is the fan noise from my computers and drives. At first, I was a little paranoid about going into "earplug space," that it might be a bit overwhelming to provide all the voices in my head clarity, but after the first couple times, I'm addicted. A warning though- make sure you don't need to answer a phone call- and DON'T COOK.

Trixie Fontaine said...

I'm addicted to earplugs at night so that I don't have to hear the dog making licky noises. I did consider stuffing a pair in yesterday, but I didn't because I feel like I already wear them so much (6-9 hours a night) that I worry they're impacting wax and hurting my ears somehow. Also, I'm pretty sure just the sound of myself breathing (which seems amplified with the plugs in) would have sent me just as far over the edge as normal sounds were. Fortunately, I felt a lot better after I made that post and thinks got quieter too.