This motherfucking SHIT-to-remove plastic sheathing wrapped with devilish "care" around my sweet stick of striped peppermint sweetness that I am so desperate to unwrap and suck on in my headache-riddled PMS state of post-Christmas come-down.
Got a box of these fuckers on sale the day after Christmas (yesterday) for a dollar and sixty-four cents (even the price is depressing, like nobody is even going to try to make this shit sound attractive or compelling, these frigid old-lady leftovers untouched during the jolly season which is now OVER, and it is just THE SHIT-PIT OF WINTER when conservative responsible retirees immediately take down their light displays so as not to alleviate any of the gloom of January and February for people whose electrical bills are NOT padded with social security or retirement funds.
They will horde all their white-haired light for themselves, letting them be a lesson to us that we should rise and retire early to get cracking on our menial low-paying jobs if we want to enjoy the spirit of giving brightness and joy beyond the cut-off date for anyone giving a token fuck about hardships or humanitarian helping hand-outs. The free turkey dinners are OVER, and the faceless fairy-lit angels are going back into storage in their two-car garages on carefully-organized shelves of boomer propriety. At lunchtime they will walk their stupid little stunted-legged lap dogs by our broken-down cars we can't afford to keep running and cast their condescending cataract-riddled eyes towards those of us bringing their property values down with our squalor even though only one of them will live long enough to need that extra dough for their twilight years in assisted senior living, let alone be conscious enough to enjoy. And the assistants will string the lights up on a two-story artificial tree in the drafty dining room and play nostalgic music from entirely the wrong generations while the drool dribbles drearily from the mouths of their near-death fellow residents.
Fuck this fucking candy-cane wrapper.
No comments:
Post a Comment