TINS that are HARD TO OPEN

OMFG trying to open this fucking tin of fancy candy:

It says "HARD CANDY" but really it should say "Hard-To-Open" Candy.

It is comical, to get some queenly bon-bons for sucking on in luxurious repose, only to have them result in the most inelegant and unrelaxed display of incompetence, scrabbling against smooth metal for purchase, trying to wiggle the lid up enough to get it off, and then finally having it fly across the room and spill the candies all over the floor.

If you're going to get this kind of bon-bon, you really should have a servant at your elbow to pop them in your mouth while they do all of the dirty work and you sigh at their slowness. Or demonstrate Jeeves-like proficiency in the handling of such peevish matters. WWJD, indeed: what would JEEVES do? Jeeves would have it down to a science, or implement some graceful back door by which he retrieves the carefully-wrapped and preserved candies while also maintaining the *illusion* they came from inside the tin, even performing enough with the container to get the magic-metal sounds to slick out as though the package presented no trouble at all, but actually retrieving the candy from a silent container secreted under a sidetable or something.

This is actually the second tin this year to give me trouble. The other is a tin of CBD-infused salve (coincidentally also scented with a cinnamon aroma, like these pear-and-cinnamon candies, but more medicinal). It sucks because I want to be able to use the stuff when I'm feeling ghastly with head- and muscle-aches in bed, but being forced to leave the tin open means it is drying out. I worry it is losing its potency, or at least some of the pleasure of dipping my fingers into its grease. I'm afraid the salve now looks and feels like a container of ear wax.

When tins are hard to open it's quite disappointing; I *love* the old-fashioned vibe of tins, like they came from antique-y snake-oil-salesman times where shit was totally unregulated and you could get coke and opiates and exotic tranquil poisons in all kinds of over-the-counter seemingly-innocuous syrups and compounds. Those things came in TINS and bottles, right? Folded into little papers, and produced to impress with their qualities remedying a diverse range of ailments.

Which reminds me: I had a vivid dream last night about being surprised with a gift of cocaine.

Kind of ruins the fantasy when you can't even open the stuff. Like a nightmare-dream where all of the good stuff is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, but you can only struggle to figure out how to move it from right-there-in-front-of-you onto or into your body or mouth.