WORDLE

WORDLE. It's a game. It's a SHORT game. Except for when it's not ...

How do I get so screechingly irritated and worked up over a little fucking word GAME?!? You've got like six fucking guesses - it's totally straightforward. So don't play it if you don't like it! Right?

Gaaaaaggghhhhh! Today was a tough one for me. It shouldn't have been. But it was (for me, but not for my wife or my two friends I bond with daily over WORDLE). And on top of PMS ... oooogh I just wanted it to be OVER! But I couldn't even think of words to get it over with!!!

Obviously games are not fun if they're consistently super easy and fast. You need days like this to keep it interesting. Keep it CHALLENGING. So you don't take your brain or the game for granted. But man ... there's been about a dozen or so times where I just wanted to give up. Just go ahead and put a big red X on today, Wordle!! I GIVE UP!!!! But it will not accept that. One cannot finalize a give-up. And without that officially-recognized loss on my record, I am unable to live with myself. Especially since I rely on my Wordle check-ins with my three people to have some kind of social consistency and accomplishment and connection within a manageable framework. And I know how disappointed I was (and continue to be!) when one of my other friends stopped playing it and checking it. And he was SO GUNG HO about it, but as soon as he broke his streak while he was vacation ... he just dropped it completely like a hot rock. He has a thing about maintaining streaks of 365 days / a whole year, so I guess when he had that setback it just completely lost its allure for him. 

Eventually I was able to come up with the solution today. AND KICK MYSELF, just like my friend said I would. But man ... in the meantime I was twisting around like a hypersensitive toddler being tortured by a tight sock with the heel on the top if their foot and the toes all in the wrong place.

I didn't want to let my wife down, though. Not that it would, but I love so much how Wordle became part of her daily routine and morning ritual. I love being around that consistency, and I feel like I'd be devaluing it or not supporting it if I just didn't finish one day, or quit being into it (when I was the one who got her hooked on it in the first place). I feel like I would not be demonstrating an appreciation of her wins and show of brains as much  if I do not play the same puzzle.

I think a lot of bitchy feelings are about perfectionism. Overinflating the importance of things. Being super scared of making mistakes or letting people down, like soooooo much is riding on whatever-it-is: some little fucking word game or whatever that is mostly inconsequential. But what of the things that we do really IS meaningful and truly big-deal consequential these days? Not a whole hell of a lot. So if I become apathetic about one thing like this, maybe THAT WILL BE IT. I'll have to question the meaning of everything and/or ALL OF IT will cease to be meaningful and I will have demonstrated that nothing is fucking important, and all of us will become very depressed in the face of this existential crisis and 

oh my god I'm tired of writing this