Yahoo Search????

How in the FUCK did my quickie search engine box in my browser turn into a yahoo search box instead of GOOGLE?? When and why did ths happen? So fucking annoying . . . yahoo search results suck ass.

Matchbox Bullshit

Grrrrr . . . those fucking matchbox fuckers!! You know how a large box of matches is an open box fitted with a cardboard sleeve that you slide back to reveal the matches inside? Well, they make both sides of the sleeve look IDENTICAL so that you can't immediately tell which side is UP and which side is DOWN. Which side is the TOP and which side is the motherfucking BOTTOM?

So you have shit on your mind, trying to plan a romantic evening for which you plan to light candles so you grab the box of matches and you open the motherfucking only to have the matches spill all over the floor because the bitch is upside down.

I can't figure out why they do that, unless it's to make it easier in the store to tell what the box is, in case it gets put back on the shelf upside down or backside out or something. What absolute ridiculousness.

Yipping Heelbiters

It's a beautiful spring day, really the first warm enough to have all of the doors and windows open. The sky is blue, I work at home . . . life is beautiful.

EXCEPT for the yipping little demon dog a block away. One of its inconsiderate owners is mowing the lawn while he completely ignores his peace-disturbing ceaselessly-barking high-pitched-squeaking lap-mongrel. The people at that house are the types who are constantly standing in their driveway yapping on their fucking cell phones -- the types who don't comprehend the meaning of peace and quiet or, you know, self-consciousness but instead are always busying themselves with conspicuous yacking and flapping of their jaws so its no wonder they don't give a flying fuck about their shitty little dog's noise pollution and how it totally shatters the joy of a nice day. It's so intrusive!! How am I supposed to concentrate enough to work with that HORRID racket?

Rescue Remedy

Shitty-ass little sticky bottle with its impossible-to-unscrew top! How can I be "rescued" when I can't even open the bottle to get at the potion?

Not that this bullshit works anyway, but the placebo effect MIGHT if I could actually OPEN the cocksucking bottle!

I'm so ready to throw this little bottle across the room, stomp on it, and smash it into tiny alcohol-drenched bits.

Snow

I hate the fucking snow. I hate the fuckers who get all shiny and happy about snowfall. Impractical asshats.

Normally in western Washington state we only see it snow once or twice a year and it quickly melts, but no . . . not THIS year. What a bitch ass crock of shit. I have shit to do and places to go in our beater van with it's tractionless tires. Fuck this snow, fuck this ice, and fuck everyone who thinks it's fantastic.

Frozen Milk Glasses!!

There is a certain amount of (soy) milk I need near me to consume during meals, and it requires a tall glass. My favorite glasses are thick with handles; they are the right size and keep my hands from the too-cold glass (I don't like getting my fingers chilled).

But somewhere along the line my boyfriend started putting my favorite milk glasses IN THE FREEZER, I assume to chill them for beer, which he never drinks out of a glass anyway, or maybe he does it because he thinks I'll like it too, or maybe to keep cupboard space open. Anyway, it irritates me but I haven't resolved to say something bitchy about it yet to make him stop so I've been relying upon one or two other glasses, and some glasses that are of substandard sizes.

I feel like it would be nicer of me to just go buy some more glasses and let him have his damnable frozen beer mugs.

Telemarketing is Life Destroying!!!!

Here's a lady who actually hates telemarketing more than I do: Crazy telemarketer call.

The scary part is that I actually relate to that lady more than the little punk-ass telemarketer.

New Versions of Napster

I get sick and fucking tired of Napster repeatedly coming out with new versions and not allowing me to continue enjoying the old ones. I want to download something RIGHT NOW, not fucking get sent to install hell. I am busy and have many apps running that need to KEEP running, not be set on the back burner so I can reset my machine to complete yet another bullshit update on Napster just so I can download a couple of songs.

The stupidest part is that they never seem to get rid of the annoying pop-ups inviting you to upgrade. I use Napster to buy singles, not as a radio and they should leave me alone if that is my preference.

And don't tell me iTunes is better, because it's not. I hate that shit.

Waiting

The goddamned dog likes to nest under our computer desks so we keep her out of our offices, but she has commandeered the desk in our living area which holds two computers plugged into a power strip plugged into an outlet . . . under the desk. She rubs her shit up against it and loosens it, making the computers turn off, which makes us lose three of our voyeurcams, and of course concerns us that she'll get shocked and/or we'll have power surge problems with those computers.

I fucking hate standing around rebooting computers. HATE WAITING FOR THEM TO DO THEIR SHIT. Tonight I got this big nasty error on our main laptop after the dog did this again, and we canNOT afford a computer problem now. Can *NOT*. It seems to be working now, but I really despise ending my evening standing around worrying about shit like this, waiting for the computer to do it's thing, blah blah blah. Fucking WORK already. I wish I had a robot to take care of retarded crap like this but then it would just be one more bullshit machine to have to fix.

FluckR

What is up with the Flickr romance? I don't get it -- everytime I go to someone's stupid Flickr page IT TAKES FOREVER TO LOAD. EVERYTHING takes forever to load on that site. And then people seem to enjoy being sucked into this comment vortex where you give sappy compliments on every fucking image posted. Do people not have better things to do? Flickr is a fucking waste of time.

Tales From Packaging Hell

Wired talks about one of my biggest pet peeves: Tales From Packaging Hell.

It's fantastic to see this nuisance addressed and have some medical statistics to back up the harm that this shit causes. And it doesn't even mention the blood pressure issues! ;)

Shitty Ass Mouse

Ugh -- I hate sitting at my boyfriend's computer. The machine itself rocks, but he keeps using the free cheap-ass mouse that came with it instead of switching to the nice one he had hooked up to the laptop.

Cheap shitty-ass mouses suck, give you carpal tunnel syndrome, and destroy work efficiency, not to mention creating accidents when you click on the wrong thing because the ball hasn't scrolled to the position you anticipated, the position it would have IF it weren't a cheap motherfucking worthless piece of shit.

Springing Forward

I fucking detest the component of Daylight Savings Time known as "springing forward". I don't want to lose an hour of sleep, no no NO I don't.

The sickening part is that it throws me for such a loop that I more than make up for it in naps, and a vicious cycle is perpetuated: nap due to sleep loss from Daylight Savings Time, look at clock and get depressed seeing how late it is and that I've lost so much time, depressed tired feeling induces more napping, and so on.

The only good thing about it is that it's darker in the morning longer, keeping those damnable birds quiet for a while longer until the days get so long we barely have any blessed night. Sigh.

Flakiness

I hate it when I have something really bitchy to gripe about, but by the time I sit down at the computer I can't remember what it was or recall the fury with which I bitched about it earlier.

Music I can't Turn OFF!!

I fucking hate websites that automatically set music to playing when their page loads AND FAIL TO HAVE AN AUDIO-ON/OFF option clearly visible at the top of the page. I just went to MadTV and had to just close the browser since the whole thing is flash based so just hitting "stop" doesn't make the music stop.

Bombarding me with stimuli really sends me into convulsions of anxious misery. I suppose it has a lot to do with having Attention Deficit Disorder, but I can't mentally process 1) a noisy song with lyrics, 2) an unfamiliar site layout, 3) text, and 4) other visual stimuli (photos, etc.) all at the same time. I'm just not up to the challenge.

I'm a very impatient surfer, and I prefer to deal with one thing at a time and visit sites that make it easy for me to find what I'm looking for without waiting, without sacrificing hot keys for their own personalized bullshit manners of navigation, and without crazy auditory distractions. I think it's cool if people offer audio as long it's easy to turn off. If I have to hunt for it, or there is no possibility of turning it off, your site is a worthless annoying piece of shit to me.

Phone Company BULLSHIT

Over twenty-two minutes on the fucking phone with the stupid fucking phone company just to cancel my wireless Sprint PCS Vision. First, there's the automated bullshit of speaking to a computer: state your name, state your phone number, state your business. Of course, it doesn't understand "cancel pcs vision". It sounds like you want repairs! NO, Mr. Computer. It doesn't understand "CANCEL". It also doesn't understand, "fuck off and die -- get me a motherfucking human being on the phone."

So of course, I have to go through verifying my name, rank and serial number with some woman who then transfers me to some guy named JOE who also needs to verify my name, phone number, and address (did I not just do this? What the fuck? After verifying all of this with the woman who transferred me, did I hand the phone to some nefarious entity who doesn't know my name, phone number and address? I don't think so.

So since Joe wanted me to repeat everything I already told the other woman, I made sure to tell him EVERYTHING I told her, including, "I know it's not your fault but that automated system is really annoying and didn't understand the word 'CANCEL' *plus* it's really annoying that after verifying this information with one person, I have to go through it all over again with you." I can tell Joe thinks I'm an unreasonable bitch. So now Joe says, "and I see it's been a year since we've verified your credit information. What's your work phone number?" I'm like, "why do you need to know this?" Whatever, I tell Joe I work for myself. He wants to know the phone number. I tell Joe he already has my phone number since I work at home. Joe says, "no I don't!" Yes you do Joe. You have my phone number right on your fucking screen and I've verified it with you fuckwads twice already.

Then Joe wants to know what I do. I tell him, "I'm a pornographer." He pauses. "You're a WHAT?" A pornographer Joe . . . and a sex worker. Joe donned a bitchy voice, "well if that's what you do, that's what you do." Yes it's what I do moron, and it's none of your business. Then he needs to know where my boyfriend works and what his phone number is (and he totally didn't seem to believe me that his phone number is the same as mine).

Of course, I couldn't get off the phone with Joe until he tried to sell me on a new long distance plan, DSL, and DirecTV. He scoffed at my choice of internet service provider, and must have thought I was lying when I told him that we don't WATCH television. Then Joe and I argued some more about the ridiculous nature of all of this bullshit, and what I think is so fucked up is that these people will DEFEND the corporation's ludicrous methods of invasive harrassment when you're just trying to cancel a simple service. A call that should take two minutes suddenly is almost a half hour. That is FUCKED UP. And people complain about porn sites being hard to cancel. BULLSHIT. These automated systems, crossells, and information collecting things are just BULLSHIT. It makes me just want to unplug from the world and all of it's fucked up nonsense. I've been paying my bill with this phone company for fourteen years. They do not need to know what I do for a living, and they should believe me when I say I don't want to buy anything else today I just want to GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE. Joe was a monstrous little prick and I hope he has fun in the break room talking about what a bitch he had on the phone today. Face it, Joe -- your job sucks ass.

Crusty Cast Iron

I fucking hate washing cast iron frying pans. I hate scraping, I hate the grease that runs off them to coat the sink, I hate the whole "to use soap or not to use soap" dilemma, I hate the curing and the bullshit and that they are TOO FUCKING HEAVY FOR ME TO LIFT with my weak little pansy-ass wrist.

They look so quaint and rustic, but I have no more use for them in my life. I wonder if my boyfriend would notice if I threw them away while he's gone?

I suppose the main issue is just that I hate most types of manual labor and resent every second spent doing something so mundane and repetitive when I could actually be doing some kind of work that actually gives me pleasure and produces something different than the last thing I produced. When you finish with the pots and pans? Anticlimax. And the depressing awareness that they will just get dirty again and that it's a thankless fucking task you only do to prevent yourself from winding up in squalor, filth, and mold without a clean thing to eat. I fucking HATE it.

Sallie Fucking Mae

I hate these fuckers. I haven't gotten any information from them -- no bills, no updates, no tax forms, no nothing -- for about six years because they make it so fucking hard to change your address. Instead of all the old-fashioned ways of verifying your identity (date of birth, mother's maiden name, etc.) they want your old address, your old email address, your old zip code, your old phone number.

Perhaps this would be less problematic if I had changed these things immediately upon leaving my husband, but there really seemed to be no point considering that Sallie Mae took my payments automatically out of my bank account. Without a sense of urgency, I procrastinated on it until I no longer had my old address or phone number on the tip of my tongue (seriously, I can barely remember how old I am or my current phone number, let alone all of the numbers associated with a place I lived six months, a year, or six years ago). Why would I remember one of six email addresses I had with aol eight years ago??? Seriously fuckers . . . what a ludicrous idiotic method of verifying someone's identity. It's tragic.

Finally this poor Indian s.o.b. on the phone just went ahead and updated my information. Those poor poor saps. Am I the only one with these problems? I told him I knew it wasn't his fault, but that Sallie Mae is really really really really stupid. If my old address, my old email, or my old phone number still meant anything to me I wouldn't need to change all of that information. Jesus H.

Wet Sleeves

Oh my god it drives me nuts when the cuff of my shirt's long sleeve gets wet. Ewwwwww -- that clammy damp cloth clinging to my wrist drives me totally insane.

This happens to me most often when I fill my hot water bottle (for my feet because I hate it when they are cold) and some of it dribbles onto my filling-arm. Gahhhhhhh!!

Children at Play

I fucking hate the summertime in the Pacific Northwest. Few of us have air-conditioning in our homes because the rare high(ish) temperatures do not warrant it. Instead, we open our windows.

And what do we hear?

Potlucks, picnics, and summer vacation. Children at play. The bounding terrified sound of hoarse hollers while running. Threatening games of tag, sudden screams of pain. Their bloody fucking laughter.

I resent that there are communities for senior living, but no communities specifically set up for adults of all ages who simply hate children. I resent that there are happy assholes who are charmed by the sounds of children at play and claim to feel emotionally improved by the intrusive sounds of youngsters shouting.

Shut those little bastards up!!!