More Bitchy Stoics

I may have misrepresented Marcus Aurelius and his Meditations when I characterized him as "Bitch Emperor".

Opening up Meditations I see he actually starts out gratefully detailing what he learned from a bunch of people, like his grandaddy (who saddled him with the empire AND a debauched drunken "brother" who he sent out to the frontlines as a war leader where he ... did not do a good job of leading, from what I understand, while Marcus stayed home doing a super typical bitch thing of setting up yard sales ostensibly to solve the homefront problems of starvation and plague by selling royal tapestries, jewels, and the like, demonstrating how humble he was and how much he cared and wasn't a diva at all, hoarding all the inedible royal treasures; no, he made a big show right out there in front of his white palace with the big phallic columns -- don't quote me on that, I haven't fact-checked any of this I'm just imagining Marcus Aurelius acting like Cher in Clueless, and living in a Cali manse like hers, organizing a fundraiser to show off how selfless she was, donating useless shit like skis, bongs, etc.).

It takes some digging in that first book of Meditations to find what I'd heard about (Marcus the emperor's bitchiness towards other people); it unfolds in typical bitch-form: TOTALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. Like, "I'm so glad for so-and-so, because I learned from them not to be a fucking shithole, and instead to bulk up on my super-virtues but you won't even recognize this as trash-talking since I have taken great pains to laud the virtues of so many preceding this passive-aggressive rant."

In more bitchy gossip about the stoics, have you ever heard how much Epictetus hated being splashed by others when he went to the bathhouse? He fucking hated those inconsiderate slobs, and had to put himself through his paces to NOT feel hatred towards them. He had to really focus on what he was there for -- to bathe, not to bitch or fight -- and let all that splash-water and such roll off him like a duck.